amplifiedmouse

Even new wine served in old skins cheapens the taste.

This story's old but it goes
On and on until we disappear
(This is the calm)
Calm me and let me taste
The salt you breathed while you were underneath
I am the one who haunts your
Dreams of mountains sunk below the sea
I spoke the words but never
Gave a thought to what they all could mean
I know that this is what you want
A funeral keeps both of us apart
You know that you are not alone
I need you like water in my lungs



(This is the end)

Keep the noise low.
She doesn't wanna blow it.
Shaking head to toe while your left hand does the "show me around".
Quickens your heartbeat...
It beats me straight into the ground.

You don't recover from a night like this.
A victim, still lying in bed, completely motionless.
A hand moves in the dark to a zipper.
Hear a boy bracing tight against sheets barely whisper, "This is so messed up."

Upon arrival the guests had all stared.
Dripping wet and clearly depressed, he'd headed straight for the stairs.
No longer cool, but a boy in a stitch.
Unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships.

He keeps his hands low.
He doesn't wanna blow it.
He's wet from head to toe and his eyes give her the up and the down.
His stomach turns and he thinks of throwing up.
But the body on the bed beckons forward, and he starts growing up.

The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle. The taste of...
It used to be the reason I breathed, but now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.

She hits the lights.
This doesn't seem quite fair.
Despite everything he learned from his friends, he doesn't feel so prepared.
She's breathing quiet and smooth.
He's gasping for air.
"This is the first and last time," he says.
She fakes a smile and presses her hips into his.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He's holding back from telling her exactly what it really feels like.

He is the lamb, she is the slaughter.
She's moving way too fast and all he wanted was to hold her.
Nothing that he tells her's really having an effect.
He whispers that he loves her,
but she's probably only looking for...

...so much more than he could ever give.
A life free of lies and a meaningful relationship.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He waits for it to end,
and for the aching in his gut to subside.

Up the stairs: the station where the act becomes the art of growing up.

The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle. The taste of...
It used to be the reason I breathed, but now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.

I'm convinced that giving in is the worst thing there is.

Bright Eyes's Cassadaga was leaked last night. Having only listened to about half the album so far, I must say that If The Brakeman Turns My Way is my favorite track so far. It has a very Dylan feel to it & kinda reminds me of a Ryan Adams song.

Tonight is The Future/AutoVaughn show at Birdy's which should be a killer time even though we've just been informed that Drew is leaving the bassist position in AV. :( Sadness in my heart x30. I guess a bunch of people from Slime are coming tonight, too. So that should be fun to meet new people.

Good Lord this Bright Eyes album is fantastic. Onto other things.

I remember once, a long, long time ago, I went over to Bobby's house when I still lived on Romine at like 4 in the morning and he came out and we talked about stuff. He had told me how he wrote an "amazing song" that he actually took the G string off of his guitar because it was annoyance. I'm pretty sure that song later became Caesaria as the picking part in that song is annoying when there's a G string on the guitar. We talked about music, as we always did. He mentioned a girl and then brought up The Starting LIne song Leaving, then he brought up a song that has remained one of my favorite songs to listen to whenever I feel nostalgic, A Goodnight's Sleep. That song has nothing to do with any of the feelings I have now, but, for whatever reason, it makes me look back on 2002 as a great year even though I did go through some very rough times. That was a year when I started discovering music for myself and wasn't just spoon fed to me from the radio and what little they showed on mtv and vh1. I'd have to go to Chris's house to watch Muchmusic. Emily also helped me out by showing me new bands.

Basically, by thinking about this, it's led me to think about the past year and how I haven't really been a good friend to the people I once called close friends. Michelle, Kyle, Connor & I'm sure there are numerous other people that should go on this list, but those are the ones that come to mind first. I guess I'm kind of hoping that if these bridges are burned (wtf Buster? Thank you for making me use that line) I hope I can repair it.

I've been reading over Star's old blogs on myspace. (They really need a better way to manage their old entries. Take a lesson from Facebook, Tom.) And it's helped me learn more about her. All good, obviously.

In December I had this wanting inside of me to leave everything I knew behind and go to Arizona and stay with Andy, Gwaltney & Beth. I was on the verge of leaving then something inside of me decided not to follow through with it. I don't know if deep down I knew what was going to happen two months later or if I just figured it wouldn't be feasible to do. Looking back I'm really glad I didn't leave that Saturday like I planned. I was so down that week it was insane. That was most likely due to the fact that Christmas was near and I had thoughts of my mom running through my head. I would do the things I normally did for a month and a half like going out with friends but kind of be the fifth wheel. I remember helping Star the night she had a little too much to drink. I had such a crush on her but knew I couldn't follow through with that. I just had to be patient. I just have to be patient.

I have to learn to be patient.

One thing, though. I get scared easily & I've lately become protective of my heart. It's weird because I let her have all of my heart at first to do whatever she wished with it. And I know I should take it from the first weeks when she told me it was safe, but I can't help but feel I'm trying to put some kind of protective substance around it now. I know she's scared & so am I. It's something I need to work on in my own time.

( Random lyric. )

I know I just have to put my trust in this situation and I know that it will work out the way I want. I guess it could be a comparison to Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Star. I know it won't be difficult to do for myself, it's just something I'm not used to. I also need to show her that I'm here for her whenever she needs any kind of solace.

I also know that I love her dearly. I know that my love for her has grown ten fold since the last entry about her. She hasn't given up on her fairytale ending. I forsee a the happiest ending to come in the future.